Telemarketing as Customer Rewards?!?!

(Yeah, I know, I said I was going to find my paper on "Death Drivers for Jesus" and post it here. However, as the actual paper prints out to TEN PAGES, I figured I'd just spare everyone that little rant. Ya'll got the gist of it, anyway in the previous post. Still, I humbly hang me head in apology).

Now, on with the show!

There has developed a disturbing trend (locally at least) with the retail outlets. For some time the assorted outlet stores will often, during the checkout process, ask such things as "What is the ZIP code where you live?" or, especially if one is paying by check or even credit card, the clerk, under the guise of greater security, will ask for a telephone number. I guess people committing credit card fraud always give their real home numbers out of a sense of fair play? Well, actually yes, I HAVE seen that happen, just as I've seen check-forgers accidentally sign their real names to checks. BUT that's kinda off the path we're trying to journey down at the moment.

So, anyway, ... yeah ... retail outlets gathering personal contact information. Well, now they've started going back into their little databases and have instituted a campaign of calling customers at home to announce upcoming sales!!!! I want to know just exactly what moronic, MBA-toting sociopath came up with this bit of annoying intrusion? Does anyone actually, foolishly believe the masses, upon having their daily routines interrupted (so many of us use cellular telephones as home phones these days), will get all atwitter about some alleged "Huge Savings!" and rush off in a bucolic stampede of consumerism, all eager to part with our hard-earned dollars? Oh, I'm sure a small percentage of people do, in fact, respond to these telephone ads. But this is probably offset by the numbers of good people who angrily hang up their phones, vowing to never darken the door of said establishment again. Also, since the stores are paying someone to make these calls, do they bring in enough customers to not only make up for those lost due to this scheme, but to even pay the salary of the poor soul tasked with this crap?

I'm sure the desire to live our personal lives unmolested is not just a Southern concept. I mean, does anyone actually enjoy having their days/dinners/dates/romantic interludes/movies/family time interrupted by some nit-wit calling to sell them something? If I need something so desperately that I would welcome such an intrusion, then most likely I'll have already procured such item or have made plans to do so. The mere fact a person needs some stranger calling to remind them of such a purchasing need indicates to me that said consumer is probably too low-brow to be trusted with such goods or services being offered. So much for Natural Selection, eh? ;)

I'm really puzzled here, folks. EVERYONE knows that telemarketers are loathed. They are one of the most loathed and despised forms of life on the planet. You don't have to do any in-depth research here to find this out. Look at your typical comics page (online or in the trusty ol' "analog" newspaper). See how many cartoons you can find making fun of (or expressing anger at) telemarketers. We're not talking about PhD level research here, folks. One can see with just casual observation how much the typical American hates being called at home by strangers wanting to sell him/her something. And yet somewhere some over-educated, stuffed shirt MBA is sitting in his office trying to come up with yet another way to boost his company's revenue. Suddenly his eyes go wide. He abruptly sits up straight in his $800 leather chair, nearly knocking over his $6 double-soy-extra-light-Splenda-sweetened-mocha-latte (which would stain his $100 Brooks Brother's dress shirt). He's thought of a new plan. "Hey!" He announces to no one in particular. "I've got it! Let's hire people to call our customer base at home! We'll bring our sales brochures to them by telephone! This will appeal to those who missed our full-page newsprint ads, our brightly flashing, bandwidth-eating Internet banner ads on their favorite websites, and our SPAM campaign. Let's DO IT!" Then, rather than doing the right thing and having him executed on the spot, saving misery to untold throngs of consumers, some out-of-touch exec gives the infamous command, "Make it so." Well, granted, he probably only says that if he has a Capt. Picard fetish, but you get the idea.

So, what would I suggest to avoid ticking off a huge segment of your customer base in a plan that will most likely cost you more to carry out than you can ever hope to recover? Oh, I know! How about sticking to the sales ads, the banners, and such and stop calling my phone! For that matter, stay the hell out of my e-mail's "in" box while you're at it. Ah, but that t'would make sense, wouldn't it now? We all know the minute business practices begin to make sense and show any real understanding at all of the psychology of the average consumer the world as we know it will end. Can't be having that, can we, now?