Beyond a thief, beyond a drug dealer, even beyond some useless person sitting in authority, I loathe, hate, and despise a liar. My displeasure is quadrupled when said liar presents his deception under they guise as news knowing it will influence weaker-minded people to his political base. Oh, I know, everybody lies. I’m talking about people who so twist the truth, so manipulate the data, and perform all sorts of word-smith surgeries upon the facts that what they present is a shameful travesty perpetrated upon the reader.
I was recently surfing about looking initially for some pro-gun cartoons. I always like to have a few on hand just to remind myself that not every artist, actor, or entertainer is a pinko-commie-gun-grabbing-nit-wit. Somehow, in the ways of the Internet, I wound up finding a poster from the Brady Campaign. Yes, yes, these are the people who run around trying to void everyone’s right to self defense. They represent the antithesis of our Founding Fathers. People shed blood and lost their lives in order to ensure our rights and yet people like this just keep trying to take ‘em away with the cowardly stroke of a pen. Mind you, most of them are obscenely wealthy and travel about with armed guards, live in posh, closely patrolled neighborhoods and such (the executives, I’m talking about, not the misguided citizens swept up in their liberal fanaticism).
This poster warns travelers to Florida, “A new law in the Sunshine State authorizes nervous or frightened residents to use deadly force.” Um … yeah … okay this is the kinda lying that REALLY pisses me off. First off, the right to self defense is based on a “reasonable fear of (harm).” Alabama recently enacted a “Castle Doctrine” law quite similar to the one in Florida, and there were a few people then who whined and opined we’d return to the days of the “Wild West” (a time when there was less violent crime per capita than we have today, so … hell … bring it on!). Essentially what these Castle Doctrine laws do is to codify the basic right to self defense we have in our homes, businesses, vehicles, and … well … pretty much anywhere we rightfully find ourselves to be. The law, working in accordance with long-existing laws requiring a “reasonable” fear (and in Alabama’s case specifically discounting “a genuine fear,” explaining that the burden of proof is not whether one was afraid, but whether it would have been reasonable for one to be afraid of death or grievous bodily harm at the time said person set about righteously defending his or her hide).
So, no, Florida’s law, nor Alabama’s is authorizing people to go about shooting everyone “Because he looked at me funny!” Do the Brady people know this? Sure they do. But they take a tiny bit of truth (i.e. that “reasonable fear” can justify a violent response and that with a Castle Doctrine there is no duty to retreat on the part of the defender) and use it as a foundation to build their maze of lies and half-truths. These people tell outrageous, inflammatory lies and not only get away with it, they get applauded! Meanwhile, imagine if the NRA or some similar organization were to put out a poster saying, “Travelers to Florida (or Alabama), please be aware that your safety is our highest concern. Deadly force may be utilized to prevent burglary in any degree, robbery in any degree, rape, arson, “car jacking,” and other similar violent crimes. Please utilize expanding ammunition to minimize the danger to bystanders, and lock-n-load.”
Those poor guys would be lynched!!! There would be Congressional hearings, subpoenas would go out, indictments would follow, heads would roll. See, only the rich and powerful are supposed to be able to defend themselves (or to pay someone else to do their dirty work), and only the people they like can have freedom of speech as well. That, my friends is how this works. [Le Sigh]
Personally, I’d love to see a full-sized poster on every highway crossing into Alabama, and at every airport and dock telling everyone how seriously we take the safety of our residents and visitors and how serious we are about ensuring their rights to protect themselves and each other. Then, a block or so farther on, there could be another poster:
“In case the legalese confused you, know this: If you try to perpetrate a Burglary, Rape, Robbery, or any other violent crime, someone will shoot your ass. AND they WON’T go to jail! Ya’ll play nice, now, y’hear?”
So, while that poster is really old news, it should remind us where we might be headed soon. Pretty much every Democratic candidate is a gun-grabber, some admittedly more “enthusiastic” about it than others. Sadly, I don’t see anyone on the other side that is particularly strongly Pro-Gun, either. Methinks we are about to do battle once more to keep our rights. I imagine when the gun-banning, rights-trampling legislation eventually passes, it’ll cost a lot of Congressional seats (yet again), but by then it’ll be too late. Hopefully we can all get our messages out in time to convince our elected leaders where their proverbial toasts are buttered.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Telemarketing as Customer Rewards?!?!
(Yeah, I know, I said I was going to find my paper on "Death Drivers for Jesus" and post it here. However, as the actual paper prints out to TEN PAGES, I figured I'd just spare everyone that little rant. Ya'll got the gist of it, anyway in the previous post. Still, I humbly hang me head in apology).
Now, on with the show!
There has developed a disturbing trend (locally at least) with the retail outlets. For some time the assorted outlet stores will often, during the checkout process, ask such things as "What is the ZIP code where you live?" or, especially if one is paying by check or even credit card, the clerk, under the guise of greater security, will ask for a telephone number. I guess people committing credit card fraud always give their real home numbers out of a sense of fair play? Well, actually yes, I HAVE seen that happen, just as I've seen check-forgers accidentally sign their real names to checks. BUT that's kinda off the path we're trying to journey down at the moment.
So, anyway, ... yeah ... retail outlets gathering personal contact information. Well, now they've started going back into their little databases and have instituted a campaign of calling customers at home to announce upcoming sales!!!! I want to know just exactly what moronic, MBA-toting sociopath came up with this bit of annoying intrusion? Does anyone actually, foolishly believe the masses, upon having their daily routines interrupted (so many of us use cellular telephones as home phones these days), will get all atwitter about some alleged "Huge Savings!" and rush off in a bucolic stampede of consumerism, all eager to part with our hard-earned dollars? Oh, I'm sure a small percentage of people do, in fact, respond to these telephone ads. But this is probably offset by the numbers of good people who angrily hang up their phones, vowing to never darken the door of said establishment again. Also, since the stores are paying someone to make these calls, do they bring in enough customers to not only make up for those lost due to this scheme, but to even pay the salary of the poor soul tasked with this crap?
I'm sure the desire to live our personal lives unmolested is not just a Southern concept. I mean, does anyone actually enjoy having their days/dinners/dates/romantic interludes/movies/family time interrupted by some nit-wit calling to sell them something? If I need something so desperately that I would welcome such an intrusion, then most likely I'll have already procured such item or have made plans to do so. The mere fact a person needs some stranger calling to remind them of such a purchasing need indicates to me that said consumer is probably too low-brow to be trusted with such goods or services being offered. So much for Natural Selection, eh? ;)
I'm really puzzled here, folks. EVERYONE knows that telemarketers are loathed. They are one of the most loathed and despised forms of life on the planet. You don't have to do any in-depth research here to find this out. Look at your typical comics page (online or in the trusty ol' "analog" newspaper). See how many cartoons you can find making fun of (or expressing anger at) telemarketers. We're not talking about PhD level research here, folks. One can see with just casual observation how much the typical American hates being called at home by strangers wanting to sell him/her something. And yet somewhere some over-educated, stuffed shirt MBA is sitting in his office trying to come up with yet another way to boost his company's revenue. Suddenly his eyes go wide. He abruptly sits up straight in his $800 leather chair, nearly knocking over his $6 double-soy-extra-light-Splenda-sweetened-mocha-latte (which would stain his $100 Brooks Brother's dress shirt). He's thought of a new plan. "Hey!" He announces to no one in particular. "I've got it! Let's hire people to call our customer base at home! We'll bring our sales brochures to them by telephone! This will appeal to those who missed our full-page newsprint ads, our brightly flashing, bandwidth-eating Internet banner ads on their favorite websites, and our SPAM campaign. Let's DO IT!" Then, rather than doing the right thing and having him executed on the spot, saving misery to untold throngs of consumers, some out-of-touch exec gives the infamous command, "Make it so." Well, granted, he probably only says that if he has a Capt. Picard fetish, but you get the idea.
So, what would I suggest to avoid ticking off a huge segment of your customer base in a plan that will most likely cost you more to carry out than you can ever hope to recover? Oh, I know! How about sticking to the sales ads, the banners, and such and stop calling my phone! For that matter, stay the hell out of my e-mail's "in" box while you're at it. Ah, but that t'would make sense, wouldn't it now? We all know the minute business practices begin to make sense and show any real understanding at all of the psychology of the average consumer the world as we know it will end. Can't be having that, can we, now?
Now, on with the show!
There has developed a disturbing trend (locally at least) with the retail outlets. For some time the assorted outlet stores will often, during the checkout process, ask such things as "What is the ZIP code where you live?" or, especially if one is paying by check or even credit card, the clerk, under the guise of greater security, will ask for a telephone number. I guess people committing credit card fraud always give their real home numbers out of a sense of fair play? Well, actually yes, I HAVE seen that happen, just as I've seen check-forgers accidentally sign their real names to checks. BUT that's kinda off the path we're trying to journey down at the moment.
So, anyway, ... yeah ... retail outlets gathering personal contact information. Well, now they've started going back into their little databases and have instituted a campaign of calling customers at home to announce upcoming sales!!!! I want to know just exactly what moronic, MBA-toting sociopath came up with this bit of annoying intrusion? Does anyone actually, foolishly believe the masses, upon having their daily routines interrupted (so many of us use cellular telephones as home phones these days), will get all atwitter about some alleged "Huge Savings!" and rush off in a bucolic stampede of consumerism, all eager to part with our hard-earned dollars? Oh, I'm sure a small percentage of people do, in fact, respond to these telephone ads. But this is probably offset by the numbers of good people who angrily hang up their phones, vowing to never darken the door of said establishment again. Also, since the stores are paying someone to make these calls, do they bring in enough customers to not only make up for those lost due to this scheme, but to even pay the salary of the poor soul tasked with this crap?
I'm sure the desire to live our personal lives unmolested is not just a Southern concept. I mean, does anyone actually enjoy having their days/dinners/dates/romantic interludes/movies/family time interrupted by some nit-wit calling to sell them something? If I need something so desperately that I would welcome such an intrusion, then most likely I'll have already procured such item or have made plans to do so. The mere fact a person needs some stranger calling to remind them of such a purchasing need indicates to me that said consumer is probably too low-brow to be trusted with such goods or services being offered. So much for Natural Selection, eh? ;)
I'm really puzzled here, folks. EVERYONE knows that telemarketers are loathed. They are one of the most loathed and despised forms of life on the planet. You don't have to do any in-depth research here to find this out. Look at your typical comics page (online or in the trusty ol' "analog" newspaper). See how many cartoons you can find making fun of (or expressing anger at) telemarketers. We're not talking about PhD level research here, folks. One can see with just casual observation how much the typical American hates being called at home by strangers wanting to sell him/her something. And yet somewhere some over-educated, stuffed shirt MBA is sitting in his office trying to come up with yet another way to boost his company's revenue. Suddenly his eyes go wide. He abruptly sits up straight in his $800 leather chair, nearly knocking over his $6 double-soy-extra-light-Splenda-sweetened-mocha-latte (which would stain his $100 Brooks Brother's dress shirt). He's thought of a new plan. "Hey!" He announces to no one in particular. "I've got it! Let's hire people to call our customer base at home! We'll bring our sales brochures to them by telephone! This will appeal to those who missed our full-page newsprint ads, our brightly flashing, bandwidth-eating Internet banner ads on their favorite websites, and our SPAM campaign. Let's DO IT!" Then, rather than doing the right thing and having him executed on the spot, saving misery to untold throngs of consumers, some out-of-touch exec gives the infamous command, "Make it so." Well, granted, he probably only says that if he has a Capt. Picard fetish, but you get the idea.
So, what would I suggest to avoid ticking off a huge segment of your customer base in a plan that will most likely cost you more to carry out than you can ever hope to recover? Oh, I know! How about sticking to the sales ads, the banners, and such and stop calling my phone! For that matter, stay the hell out of my e-mail's "in" box while you're at it. Ah, but that t'would make sense, wouldn't it now? We all know the minute business practices begin to make sense and show any real understanding at all of the psychology of the average consumer the world as we know it will end. Can't be having that, can we, now?
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Death Drivers for Jesus
I've said before (but elsewhere so it bears repeating here) that if one wishes to see just how rapidly we are becoming a nation of sociopaths, one has to look no farther than at his or her fellow motorists. Check out your city streets, your county roads, state highways and interstates! Hell, check out the bleedin' parking lots while you're at it (then please explain why we call paved areas you drive on "parkways" and paved areas you park on "driveways"). You'll see people so absorbed with their own commute (even those with no particular place to be) that it's almost like they take an active role in preventing you from reaching wherever it is you need to be. I wrote an allegedly amusing brief on this observation once and if I can find it, I'll see about reposting it here. 'Til then, though, I'll just hit the highlights.
Fortunately for your safety, there are a few signs you can spot that generally tell you when you are sharing the road with another driver that is either a sociopath or at least woefully incompetent. First off, driver's skill is inversely proportional to the ratio of driver-size to vehicle driven. So, when you see some obscenely huge SUV or tricked out super-van being driven by someone who can barely see over the dashboard, it's a sign you might just want to take a detour.
There are a myriad of other danger signs for which you should be watchful. But to save space, I'll just touch on one more. That would be the little Christian Fish stickers that seem to be pretty much everywhere. So common is it for me to see or experience moments of sheer terror brought on by the antics of these fish-sticker displaying drivers, that I have given them a name. I call them "Death Drivers for Jesus." Now, now, I'm not bashing Christianity. I was raised Christian and yet taught to be open-minded (making me a bit of an oxymoron ... though many would just settle for the latter two syllables). But as anyone who pays attention can attest, drivers with the fishy stickers on their cars seem hell-bent ... s'cuze me, ya'll ... Heaven-bent [bless 'em] on making sure you meet their savior just as soon as possible. I swear, it seems like every time someone pulls out right in front of me, or changes lanes into my lane while right beside me, or commits some other grievously inconsiderate and down right dangerous maneuver, there, shining from their trunk lid is one o'those fishy stickers. Sometimes I think that maybe the Lord himself stuck it there as a seal upon my lips to stem the flowing tide of obscenities that tend to spew forth when I am nearly rendered crippled or dead in an auto accident due to some other idiot's actions.
Other times I wonder if they are placed on the vehicles not to indicate a desire to get me dead and rendered up to Holy Judgment, but rather, perhaps as a plea for me to assist them on their journey meet their maker. Somehow, though, I don't think any judge, Southern though they may be, will accept, "Y'honor, the deceased was askin' for it! He had on display one o'them Jesus fishes. It was on the tailgate of his SUV, just a'beggin' me to please arrange a meetin' with the then-not-deceased Death Driver for Jesus and his maker. I could only make good on his request, y'see. Any other response would-a been rude!" Nope, that just wouldn't fly. Too bad, too. I can't tell you how many times I've nearly been sent to the great Gun Show In The Sky by someone with a little fishy sticker displayed on his or her vehicle.
Apparently I am not alone in this feeling. I recently discovered a web comic that expressed, after a fashion, my sentiments. Well, to call this bit of digitally delivered graphic pleasure a "web comic" is to call Star Wars (New Hope & Han shot first, dammit!) simply "a movie." Or to refer to the great black and white Bogart classic, Cross the Pacific as simply, "a late-night flick with that lispy actor." Nay, t'would be as though one called the great works of Shakespeare, the disk-shaped world of Terry Pratchett, or indeed anything by Jack Higgins mearly "some stories." This comic writer is genius (and now maybe he won't get mad at me for directly linking to his comic without asking him first [knock-on-wood]). ;) Anyway, here's a link to the episode to which I am referring: http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp06212005.shtml Read it, then go and check out the comic from the beginning so you'll know the characters better.
Now, I gotta go try to find that more involved piece I wrote about my fellow drivers and those with fishy decals. I think it's at work where I drafted it one evening after a close-call with one o'those Death Drivers for Jesus. When/if I find it, I'll toss it up here. 'Till then, I'm outta here!
Fortunately for your safety, there are a few signs you can spot that generally tell you when you are sharing the road with another driver that is either a sociopath or at least woefully incompetent. First off, driver's skill is inversely proportional to the ratio of driver-size to vehicle driven. So, when you see some obscenely huge SUV or tricked out super-van being driven by someone who can barely see over the dashboard, it's a sign you might just want to take a detour.
There are a myriad of other danger signs for which you should be watchful. But to save space, I'll just touch on one more. That would be the little Christian Fish stickers that seem to be pretty much everywhere. So common is it for me to see or experience moments of sheer terror brought on by the antics of these fish-sticker displaying drivers, that I have given them a name. I call them "Death Drivers for Jesus." Now, now, I'm not bashing Christianity. I was raised Christian and yet taught to be open-minded (making me a bit of an oxymoron ... though many would just settle for the latter two syllables). But as anyone who pays attention can attest, drivers with the fishy stickers on their cars seem hell-bent ... s'cuze me, ya'll ... Heaven-bent [bless 'em] on making sure you meet their savior just as soon as possible. I swear, it seems like every time someone pulls out right in front of me, or changes lanes into my lane while right beside me, or commits some other grievously inconsiderate and down right dangerous maneuver, there, shining from their trunk lid is one o'those fishy stickers. Sometimes I think that maybe the Lord himself stuck it there as a seal upon my lips to stem the flowing tide of obscenities that tend to spew forth when I am nearly rendered crippled or dead in an auto accident due to some other idiot's actions.
Other times I wonder if they are placed on the vehicles not to indicate a desire to get me dead and rendered up to Holy Judgment, but rather, perhaps as a plea for me to assist them on their journey meet their maker. Somehow, though, I don't think any judge, Southern though they may be, will accept, "Y'honor, the deceased was askin' for it! He had on display one o'them Jesus fishes. It was on the tailgate of his SUV, just a'beggin' me to please arrange a meetin' with the then-not-deceased Death Driver for Jesus and his maker. I could only make good on his request, y'see. Any other response would-a been rude!" Nope, that just wouldn't fly. Too bad, too. I can't tell you how many times I've nearly been sent to the great Gun Show In The Sky by someone with a little fishy sticker displayed on his or her vehicle.
Apparently I am not alone in this feeling. I recently discovered a web comic that expressed, after a fashion, my sentiments. Well, to call this bit of digitally delivered graphic pleasure a "web comic" is to call Star Wars (New Hope & Han shot first, dammit!) simply "a movie." Or to refer to the great black and white Bogart classic, Cross the Pacific as simply, "a late-night flick with that lispy actor." Nay, t'would be as though one called the great works of Shakespeare, the disk-shaped world of Terry Pratchett, or indeed anything by Jack Higgins mearly "some stories." This comic writer is genius (and now maybe he won't get mad at me for directly linking to his comic without asking him first [knock-on-wood]). ;) Anyway, here's a link to the episode to which I am referring: http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp06212005.shtml Read it, then go and check out the comic from the beginning so you'll know the characters better.
Now, I gotta go try to find that more involved piece I wrote about my fellow drivers and those with fishy decals. I think it's at work where I drafted it one evening after a close-call with one o'those Death Drivers for Jesus. When/if I find it, I'll toss it up here. 'Till then, I'm outta here!
Wow! I Got An Award!
WOW! I just got nominated for a "Thinking Blogger Award" from Leigh at http://leighmdavis.rainbowofwords.com/ !! Uber-cool. Hit the link and check out her blog. She's a fellow Southerner with views much like me own. Well, that's not too surprising since we're cousins who grew up here in the same state and who talk frequently. We also constantly toss our political and sociological views at each other. Check her space out and leave her a comment.Big thank-you to Leigh! You rock! ;)
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